Posts from the ‘I’m awkward’ category

First World Problems

I drive the car to Target. SuperTarget, with the grocery section that has motion-sensor lights on the freezer cases. I like to go down aisles, just…

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Of God and pee and Jesus and lambs.

Two kids. Two soccer teams. Two games each week. Plus practices. This summer I’ve spent somewhere between two and four hours, every week, on a soccer…

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Why I am a lousy grown up… A play in one act

8:00 pm – bedtime ISABEL: I don’t want to go to bed. I’m scared. ME: What are you scared of? ISABEL: I don’t want to die.…

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Perspective: Being on display in your prison jumpsuit > flies and cat pee

Last week I had a bad day. I woke in the morning to find that our cat had peed… somewhere… in the house. Now, we love…

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Making a scene at Ruby Tuesday

On a whim last week, I decided to take the kids out to lunch. It was hot, and I didn’t want to cook. Air conditioning +…

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Rules of etiquette for the 21st century

When I was about ten, I somehow – and I choose not to think too hard about this, as I’m not fond of the gifting implications…

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Happy almost-birthday to me. This shit sucks.

Tomorrow, I turn 34. This birthday feels a little different from the others. Thirty was supposed to be the big one; I spent that year watching…

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I am easily outwitted by vandalized Magic Eraser boxes and hip bathroom doors

You know what’s never a good sign? When you have slept so little, and your days have run together so completely, that you resort to checking…

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My Chickens Are Totally Racist

The following is an abbreviated version of a longer essay. We have five chickens. We wanted some variety so, after poring over the mail-order catalogue, we…

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No, You May Not Come In

Dear Unexpected Dropper-Inners: My apologies for being blunt, or rude, or standoffish, or however it is that you interpret my greeting. I might say it with…

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