She’s with her husband Joel here, who is actually a really cool guy I knew back in college (small world, right?). Karen is super smart and just all-around awesome, and I’m incredibly thankful that she was willing to play along with me tonight (especially since only after she agreed to do it did I reveal that I actually had no idea how I was going to make it work).
So, I’m hoping you’ll all jump in using the comments box below – I know the incredibly hilarious Tara from Two Hands and a Roadmap plans on hanging around, so it will be worth it just for that! – and let’s all have fun!
Oh, and… this live blog thing? Not conducive to proofreading. So… yeah. Sometimes my fingers are fast and my brain is dumb. Bear with me.
8:56 pm, KAREN: Uh? I’m glad they did a sound check before starting!
8:57 pm, JAIMIE: No cable here, so I’m missing out on sound check excitement since I’m stuck with broadcast. It’s all The Voice and Christina Aguilera’s terrifying boobies here.
9:00 pm, KAREN: The Voice, the many voices of CNN – we’re both getting the same amount of helpful pre-debate information!
9:01 pm, JAIMIE: Reports from comments: Tara bringing us the moon from the midwest. Welcome, Tara!
9:02 pm JAIMIE: Answers concise and on point… Ha ha ha ha.
9:03 pm, JAIMIE: Romney wins most coin-related things, I expect.
9:04 pm, KAREN: And the quality sound continues! These last minute debates must really throw the sound crew!
9:05 pm, KAREN: Hi! I’m Mitt Romney NOT answering a question about getting a job AFTER college
9:05 pm, JAIMIE: Now we’re keeping Pell Grants? I thought Romney-Ryan wanted to ditch that handout.
9:05 pm, JAIMIE: “CRUSHED!” Everybody drink!
9:07 pm, JAIMIE: Who had Obama in the “first to use a numbered list” pool?
9:08 pm, KAREN: Is that a new record for brevity? Did Pres. Obama just answer a question in less than 3 minutes?! Woo hoo! Does anyone else get the impression that Mitt Romney thinks the last 4 years happened in a vacuum?
9:09 pm, JAIMIE: Facts matter. Romney awwwkkwwaaarrd.
9:11 pm, KAREN: Bring it, President Obama!
9:11 pm, JAIMIE: Interesting difference in language, “crushed” vs. “squeezed.” Roadkill vs. fashionable pants.
9:12 pm, KAREN: Mitt Romney is the WINNER….in the contest of who can be an ass to the moderator first.
9:13 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Tom: I love how nicely Obama called Romney a lying douchebag
9:14 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Kate: Zing! Romney doesn’t have a 5 pt plan, he has a 1 pt plan! I think Romney is going to come out looking like a whiner.
9:15 pm, JAIMIE: More drilling. Yay! My kids don’t need a planet, ppffffttt. They can live on the moon.
9:16 pm, KAREN: Let me interpret for Romney: President Obama will not let you rape the planet, destroy water supplies, and deplete our resources.
9:17 pm, JAIMIE: Y’all, my browser keeps crashing. If we go offline for a minute, trust that we’ll be right back, it’s just Firefox being an asshole.
9:18 pm, JAIMIE: Mom and Dad, please don’t fight!
9:18 pm, KAREN: Clean coal. Honest Politician. Both great oxymorons.
9:19 pm, KAREN: Romney sealed the deal, he definitely wins the award for biggest ass of the debate.
9:19 pm, JAIMIE: Oooh, Obama is PISSED.
9:20 pm, KAREN: Ha ha! I think these parents are headed for divorce, Jaimie.
I will fight to destroy our country in the long term so we can have more oil in the short term!
9:21 pm, JAIMIE: ZING!Obama had some Red Bill tonight!
9:22 pm, JAIMIE: Romney acts like a toddler having a temper tantrum when he’s frustrated. Would love to see him stomp his feet and scream while dealing with Amahdinejad.
Or however you spell that.
9:23 pm, KAREN: Where is Martha Raddatz?! Someone needs to check Mitt Romney!
9:24 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Tara: KIDS?! Don’t make me turn this debate around!
9:25 pm, JAIMIE: Romney translator: “Middle income” = Madonna rich, not Michael Jackson rich.
9:25 pm, KAREN: Here comes the Romney math! Maybe THIS time I’ll understand it!
9:26 pm, KAREN: I understand this website will help me understand his plan: http://www.romneytaxplan.com/
I’m so glad that all of the investment interest and capital gains my middle class family makes will be protected! I really need that $0!
9:26 pm, JAIMIE: “Crushed” x 2, “buried” x 2. Sounds like a scene from “The Burbs.” (Who remembers that movie?)
9:29 pm, KAREN: More like who *doesn’t* remember the burbs?!
9:29 pm, JAIMIE: RIGHT?
9:30 pm, JAIMIE: Now, I’m not so smart when it comes to numbers… but if the top 5% is continuing to pay the same percentage… and the majority of Americans will supposedly pay less… doesn’t that mean we’re collecting less tax dollars, overall? Someone SchoolHouse Rock me here.
9:31 pm, KAREN: I’m so glad they brought up small business! I was worried the job creators would get left out of this debate. =whew=
9:32 pm, JAIMIE: It’s “settled” like a bowl of Jell-O, Candy.
9:32 pm, KAREN: Duh, Jaimie. If we make the rich richer, they’ll give us all better jobs which will increase the tax base. I promise, they will not hoard their money and ship jobs overseas. Pinky swear!
9:33 pm, JAIMIE: “BIG BIRD!” Everybody drink!
9:34 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Sarah: What??!! Energy independence in 5 years?? That’s like saying we can pay off the national debt in 5 years! It’s not even possible.
9:35 pm, JAIMIE: OF COURSE THEY ADD UP. HE RAN BUSINESSES. JUST ASK ENRON.
9:35 pm, KAREN: “Of course they add up!” Trust me!
9:36 pm, JAIMIE: Romney translator: “Foreign” = “But is that a real birth certificate?”
9:37 pm, KAREN: What? My time’s up? Screw you, reporter!
9:37 pm, JAIMIE: Oh, math again. I didn’t know this was going to be a fricking SAT test.
9:40 pm, JAIMIE: “Those silly womenfolk, they were just too dumb to figure out how to apply by their selves, bless their hearts.”
Okay, in all honesty, I will give props to anyone who advocates flexible scheduling. Nice talking point, Mitt.
9:42 pm, KAREN: Mitt Romney: God’s gift to women in the workplace….if nowhere else. <eye roll>
9:43 pm, JAIMIE: Prediction: “Death panels” in 10, 9, 8…
9:44 pm, KAREN: Seriously, to your point Jaimie – all of these women in his cabinet were supremely qualified but too stupid to apply? NO women applied? None? So he went on a woman hunt and then gave them all the most flexible magical schedule ever? We’re supposed to believe that?
9:45 pm, JAIMIE: Point taken – you’re right, it doesn’t add up. I’m a HUGE advocate for flexible scheduling (says she who works remotely/part time/weird hours for a company several states away), so I get excited and pee my pants a little whenever anyone brings it up.
9:46 pm, JAIMIE: Oh my God, I would NEVER play Candyland with Mitt Romney. What a baby.
9:36 pm, KAREN: Good question! Ohh! And Romney is avoiding it like a champ…in the most bizarre way!
9:47 pm, JAIMIE: Wait… Energy? How did we get here and why am I wearing this sombrero?
9:47 pm, KAREN: Mitt Romney: Not just an ass to the moderator, he’s also an ass to the undecided voter IN THE ROOM with him!
9:48 pm, JAIMIE: FOR REAL.
9:48 pm, KAREN: I think Mitt Romney brought that sombrero for you from Mexico.
9:49 pm, JAIMIE: Like most Americans (according to Mitt), I would have appreciated it more if he were actually born in Mexico, though.
9:49 pm, KAREN: Or he may have stolen it from a Mexican who was about to be deported.Either way, I think he gave it to you
9:50 pm, JAIMIE: Now I want a burrito.
9:51 pm, KAREN: Whoa! Obama is making George Bush sound good!
9:53 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Tom: Obama: Osama Bin Laden is dead.
9:55 pm, KAREN: “I think you know better” I hear it as “look into my eyes…”
9:56 pm, JAIMIE: I’m busily fact-checking over here.
9:56 pm, KAREN: Stop it Mitt! You can’t hypnotize me with your lies!
9:58 pm, JAIMIE: Assessment from quick fact check: Romney is mostly wrong.
9:59 pm, JAIMIE: SOMBREROS FOR EVERYBODY!
9:59 pm, KAREN: MEXICO!
10:00 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Sarah: One difference between Romney and Bush is that Bush needed someone to tell him what to say in an earpiece during the debate while Romney is really great about making shit up on the fly.
10:01 pm, JAIMIE: Obama: I AM NOT FROM KENYA, BITCHES!
I’m getting all crazy CAPS here. Simmer down, Jaimie. Simmer down.
Gang bangers? Did Obama really just say “gang bangers”?
10:02 pm, KAREN: Simmer down, Jaimie! Even if Obama IS from Kenya he is degreed and qualified and would have a green card stapled to his diploma.
10:03 pm, JAIMIE: Of course! Silly me. How fun to hand-pick the immigrants we want. It’s like racist “Guess Who?”
Riiiiiight. Because employers are the best people to determine someone’s immigration status.
10:05 pm, KAREN: Moderator: Let’s talk self deportation, Romney: no, let’s talk about what I want to talk about!
10:06 pm, JAIMIE: Mitt should have watched Sesame Street this morning. It was all about not being a sore loser. If Elmo can learn how to be a good sport, so can Mittens!
10:06 pm, KAREN: I’m glad you finally understand Romney’s immigration policy, Jaimie. The best thing is to only let in the educated ones and screw the desperate ones who need help.
10:07 pm, JAIMIE: BAM! Point to Obama! “My pension’s not as big as yours, it doesn’t take as long.”
10:09 pm, KAREN: Libya! It’s here!
10:09 pm, JAIMIE: Just one vowel removed from a Planned Parenthood debate…
I love Obama for not throwing Hillary Clinton under the bus.
10:11 pm, KAREN: When Obama says he’ll hunt down the people responsible for this the attack in Benghazi, you can take that to the bank….his track record is proven!
10:13 pm, JAIMIE: Are you kidding me with this? Seriously, Mitt?
10:14 pm, KAREN: When Romney criticizes Obama for campaigning during the Benghazi incident does he not realize he was also campaigning at the same time?
10:15 pm, JAIMIE: How dare Obama not go into seclusion for a week. Surely the country could have ran itself in that time.
10:16 pm, KAREN: I like Obama when he’s mad!
Let’s nitpick this topic to death while the town hall questions wait!
Oh good! Obama just affirmed he wants to protect the 2nd amendment. Now all the tea partiers can warn everyone that he’s after their guns again.
10:21 pm, JAIMIE: US public schools rank dead last among developed nations. Not sure I’d be braying quite so loud about MA schools, no offense intended to MA.
Wait… marriage? Everyone get married and that will save us from gun violence? What?
Where does gay marriage fit into this “Fight Violence Now!” plan?
The question of the night: “Mitt, why is it that you’ve changed your mind?” Can we just spend the entire debate on that?
10:23 pm, KAREN: It’s easy, Jaimie: get married, have kids, and suddenly you’re so fulfilled you no longer need guns.
10:24 pm, JAIMIE: What is it, exactly, that people are doing with their guns that marital relations can replace? I mean, they do make toys for that sort of thing. This is possibly the most disturbing – and fascinating! – revelation of the evening.
10:24 pm, KAREN: I mean, it didn’t work that way for me. Guns never crossed my mind when I was single, but they do come into my thoughts post marriage and kids…but that’s probably just me.
10:25 pm, JAIMIE: No, not just you. I regularly think that if I had a gun, there’d be a hell of a lot less backtalk here.
10:27 pm, JAIMIE: Mitt on outsourcing jobs: “Do as I say, not as I do.”
I’d like to learn how to be a currency manipulator. How does on do that?
10:28 pm, KAREN: I’m so glad Mitt Romney is talking about China;s currency manipulation!
Now he can explain how China’s currency manipulation benefits his portfolio – right?
10:29 pm, JAIMIE: Report from comments, Sarah: ‘Trickle down government’ is this real??
10:33 pm, JAIMIE: NOT COUNTERFEIT GOODS! Hope I don’t get arrested for that fake Coach purse in my closet…
10:33 pm, KAREN: “We can compete with anyone in the world as long as the playfield is level.” =whew= American sweatshops are coming back! Yes! The boys have a future!
10:36 pm, JAIMIE:
10:37 pm, KAREN: It’s a good thing that the biggest misperception people have about Mitt Romney is that he’s a blow hard, cause I don’t think he dispelled that “myth.”
10:39 pm, JAIMIE: PHEW!
10:39 pm, KAREN: Equally as good, is that people don’t think Obama is good at talking but not really doing…cause he’s not doing a good job of explaining how he’s misperceived.
10:39 pm, JAIMIE: Agreed. I think they both blew the end, there.
“Binders full of women!” Best phrase of the night!
10:40 pm, KAREN: Thanks, Jaimie and your readers for letting me liveblog with you!
JAIMIE: Thank you, Karen! It was fun, as always!
I see the spacing got wonky on the post – I will work on going back and fixing, should anyone want to read again in the future.
Thanks to everyone who read along and participated in the comments! Feel free to continue discussing, I’ll be here, listening to debate redux on NBC.
More debate hilarity to come tomorrow! In the meantime, an appetizer: