Floors sell hous – Oooooooh! SHINY!

Me: The lady on Jeopardy has really shiny hair.

Nick: You think so?

Me: Mm-hm. I want a counter like that. All black and gleamy. Is there a counter material that looks like her hair?

Nick: Formica?

Me: No, formica’s not shiny enough. Marble, maybe? It has to look like something you could skate or slide in socks on. Oh my God, that’s it! HER HAIR WOULD MAKE A PERFECT FLOOR.

Nick: What?

Me: I don’t want a counter of her hair. I want her hair to be our floor!

Nick: You… want a human hair floor. Is that what you just said?

Me: YES. It’s shiny and sock-slidey. Like linoleum. But better. Because it’s hair, so it’s good for the environment. We’d be recycling.

Nick: I saw something on reclaimed floors before. You can put varnish on pretty much anything and use it as a floor. But that was with, you know, wood and upcycled tile and pennies. Not… hair.

Me: How much of her hair do you think we’d have to harvest into order to varnish it into a floor?

Nick: I’m pretty sure varnish isn’t made for hair.


Nick: You want to sell this house eventually, right?

Me: You make a good point.

Nick: I know.

Me: Do you think the pennies would make a good floor? That would be shiny, too.

Nick: Again. Trying to sell the house someday.

Me: Oh, right. Maybe we should varnish ourselves a floor of twenties. New floor and built-in rainy day fund. BLAMMO. House sold. You’re welcome.

Nick: Yeah… okay, honey.

Me: I really do like her hair, though.

Nick: I know you do.

Me: Shiny.