Me: The lady on Jeopardy has really shiny hair.
Nick: You think so?
Me: Mm-hm. I want a counter like that. All black and gleamy. Is there a counter material that looks like her hair?
Me: No, formica’s not shiny enough. Marble, maybe? It has to look like something you could skate or slide in socks on. Oh my God, that’s it! HER HAIR WOULD MAKE A PERFECT FLOOR.
Me: I don’t want a counter of her hair. I want her hair to be our floor!
Nick: You… want a human hair floor. Is that what you just said?
Me: YES. It’s shiny and sock-slidey. Like linoleum. But better. Because it’s hair, so it’s good for the environment. We’d be recycling.
Nick: I saw something on reclaimed floors before. You can put varnish on pretty much anything and use it as a floor. But that was with, you know, wood and upcycled tile and pennies. Not… hair.
Me: How much of her hair do you think we’d have to harvest into order to varnish it into a floor?
Nick: I’m pretty sure varnish isn’t made for hair.
Me: IT WOULD BE DOUBLE SHINY.
Nick: You want to sell this house eventually, right?
Me: You make a good point.
Nick: I know.
Me: Do you think the pennies would make a good floor? That would be shiny, too.
Nick: Again. Trying to sell the house someday.
Me: Oh, right. Maybe we should varnish ourselves a floor of twenties. New floor and built-in rainy day fund. BLAMMO. House sold. You’re welcome.
Nick: Yeah… okay, honey.
Me: I really do like her hair, though.
Nick: I know you do.